Monday, September 17, 2012
I had a fun, lighthearted post planned for tonight. I tried to write it, but am not feeling fun or lighthearted. The last few weeks have been filled with worry and fear. It is true that many wonderful moments have also occurred, but for some reason the darkness is winning. My endurance and determination seem to be slowing down right now. I've spent my time fighting my insurance company for much needed medication, desperately trying to heal the last stages of this infection, and worrying and fretting about security and stability. I always have worries now, who doesn't really, but some days the worries seem so heavy, so hard so bear. It seems as if I begin to see a quick glimpse of a light at the end of a tunnel, but then a huge, loud train forces itself into the tunnel and blocks any tiny ray or speck of light. And the big, obnoxious train makes all kinds of noise, just to let me know it is there and stealing my light. It is days like these that I have to remember that night on the floor or the day I fell to help catapult myself into new perspective. It is days like these that I turn and cling to hope and try not to let go. I am so tired and exhausted from fighting so much, but I know I will sleep and start again tomorrow. Because this is life, the good and the bad.