First of all, my heart filled with immense gratitude after I read your comments and emails. All of your words truly solidified my belief that we all live in a state of service. When we reach out and share our true and real feelings, the ripples of love, forgiveness, hope, and encouragement we provide are infinite. Thank you for your stories and comments. I treasure all of them.
I started a new practice of trying to go to bed early and wake up early. I easily fall into a pattern where I stay up extremely late and watch Real Housewives. It is ridiculous and doesn't serve me very well. The problem is, I rhythmically flow with this new routine until Sunday arrives, then I stay up to watch Mad Men and the cycle starts again. Instead of stressing about this and throwing myself off for the entire week, I chose to make Sunday nights the one night I stay up late and indulge for a bit. I guess you could call it my cheat day. I honestly don't have an issue with my night owl personality, but I think it developed because of my previous inability to successfully sleep. When I was so sick and so depressed I never, ever slept. I watched the clock tick and heard the birds sing in the wee hours of the morning. Now, I sleep like a champ. I started sleeping again a few months ago and I want to give into sleep as much as possible. It is healing. One of my favorite authors and spiritual teachers, Gabrielle Bernstein, has a fun phrase, sleep more and party less. Now that I am able, I try to allow my body to rest when it begs for it. So, I am cutting it short tonight and will be back in a few days for more. My new groove is developing slowly, but surely.
I am currently reading, A Course in Miracles. This book and workbook are filled with so many ideas and words that need to be read over and over again. It takes me days to get through a few pages. For this reason, I am not very far at all, but I came across something the other day I want to share. I put the words into practice, especially today, and my entire perspective shifted. There is a lot in this world I can not control and I fear. I can consume my mind with thoughts of difficulty and challenge. If I focus on these things, I can destroy my self confidence and energy to persevere. After reading these few short sentences, I decided to let go of the fear completely and replace it with love. I did it, entirely, for the first time today.
Perfect love casts out fear.
If fear exists,
Then there is not perfect love.
Only perfect love exists.
If there is fear,
It produces a state that does not exist.
- A Course in Miracles
This perfect love is not romantic or sentimental love, it is truly trusting we are powerful and loved and that we possess the ability to see ourselves in another and live a life of service. All of the events in our lives are born out of love and occur to deepen our own love for ourselves and our ability to expand and give this love to others. It isn't easy to grasp, it took me a few days, but my perspective and fear shifted. I wanted to share this with you because you shared so much love with me with. I hope it helps in some small way.
I will be back sooner than later. I am off to pray, meditate, and fall asleep without turning on Bravo. I will not turn on Bravo, I will not turn on Bravo...