Saturday, October 8, 2016

I am not strong. I am worthy.

I hate when anyone tells me I am strong.

Dear anyone who has every felt less than or unworthy or inconsequential or objectified,


Everything you think, everything you hear, it's not you.

No one will ever know the fight you have inside of you. No one will every know how many times you recovered after your many, many, many falls.

No one will ever know.

You just have to keep moving forward in the very best way you can, the very best way you are able.

You just have to tap into those parts of yourself you, suddenly and protectively, wanted to forget, those parts that showed up when you had your first big fall.  Those parts of yourself that everyone calls, 'strong and brave and tough,'. Those parts of yourself you wish you didn't have to know. Those parts of yourself that make you human and want to do things...despite all the pulls to stay in bed, despite all the hurt. Through the pain, you just have to tap into the parts that make you want to get up the next day, despite the crap. Those parts. I don't know their name, but they are certainly not called strong...maybe reluctantly strong or painfully beautiful or heroine when all else is lost? I don't know. 

Because, let's be real, none of us ever really wanted to be strong. We all wanted to be happy and easy breezy and peaceful. We all wanted it to be okay. We all wanted to achieve and succeed. THIS I know we have in common. But, then life showed up and other people and circumstances showed up and some of us were casualties. And we were lost because we watched as everyone else achieved and succeeded and went on vacation and fell in love. And we felt lost because we knew we didn't matter and we knew we were forgotten because we were STRONG and just had to deal with things. The luxury of success and achievement were not ours. We are strong.

You are not stronger than anyone else. You do not need to live up to, yet another, expectation. YOU ARE WORTHY BECAUSE YOU ARE YOU. Weak or strong or sensitive or brave or courageous or chic or cool or perfect or well or abled or disabled or white or black or whatever or Christian or Jewish or bi-polar or menopausal or prisoner of war or leader of a country or anything at all. 

You are worthy, just as you are. No matter what anyone ever says, ever. The fact that you woke up today and faced life...knowing you had to show up and pretend you are, STRONG...well you are worthy.

YOU are. No matter what anyone will ever tell you. You are worthy. You are worthy. You are worthy. 

And now you know what I do when I feel defeated. When I feel all hope is lost.

I try for, just a minute, to believe I am worthy. I try to believe every, single one of us is worthy. Oh, so very worthy. Especially the girls. Oh the girls. Oh the girls. And then I watch, Steel Magnolias and I pretend I am Dolly Parton and Olympia Dukakis and Sally Field and Julia Roberts and we are gathered in a hair salon and I feel better. And, maybe, some bleeding armadillo cake will change some minds, just maybe,

We may not be strong, but we are more. We are worthy. Worthy Magnolias.


Thank you for commenting. I appreciate all of your words.